Two and a half weeks we won’t get back

I have just set up some documents on SWMBO’s laptop that will eventually represent two and a half working weeks that neither of us will get back.

What am I on about this time? School reports.

The Easter holidays are not just about visiting garden centres, searching for eggs and bunnies in the garden or playing golf in the Algarve.

They are also get-the-summer-reports-ready time. To the layperson, this sounds fairly straightforward – a few scraps of paper on which to make a few comments about Chardonnay or Benedict. How difficult can it be?

But to many teachers it is a nightmarish ritual shared with a PA like myself – if they are lucky enough to have one.

OK, let’s begin. This year SWMBO has to write 210 reports. It takes me an average of around one minute per report to set up on my laptop and copy to SWMBO’s computer – that’s 210 minutes gone. In case you are wondering, this is a system that works well and ensures we always have two copies of every report in case of hardware failure.

It then takes SWMBO an average of 15 minutes to write each report. She is more dedicated and conscientious than many teachers out there. I say that not just because her salary keeps us pensioner types in the lifestyle to which we have become accustomed.

Anyway, that’s another 3,150 minutes, followed by two minutes to read through each report, checking for errors. Another 420 minutes.

Then there’s, on average, five minutes per report to copy back to my computer, which I proof read, and print out the two copies of each required – 1,050 minutes.

Oh, and I mustn’t forget the 30 minutes or so it takes to re-do reports returned by other class teachers/ the headmaster and print out again.

Then, finally, there’s two hours to collate all SWMBO’s class reports, including subjects from other teachers – 120 minutes.

If you’ve been keeping up, and not nodded off yet, that’s more than two working weeks just to do reports. And remember, these are done in the evenings, at weekends and during holidays. The process is then repeated at Christmas.

It all means that the parents of the Harrisons, Rebekahs, Orlandos, Matildas, Katis and Thors of this world get wonderful, incisive and perfectly proofed reports.

Which leaves me with a closing thought - why isn’t anyone called Michael or Sarah these days?