I get shirty on a visit to town
SWMBO suggested I get some new polo shirts. At first I protested. After all, I’d bought some in 1998 and, despite them shrinking a bit in the wash, they were still perfectly serviceable. 

Then, when in town this week meeting my friend (yep, I do have one) I popped into a leading gent’s outfitter (or Sports Direct as its known locally) to suss out the latest fashions. Then onto M&S for the cutting edge of what’s in.

And finally to good old EWM (if you don’t know what that is, you are too young to be reading this blog).

And that’s where I struck sartorial gold. Two shiny new golf polos for under £40. Should I bump into you on the 18^th green one sunny afternoon, please bear in mind that the Hippo slogan on the front is the brand and not the size. Thank you.

I get many, many “funnies” from friends, acquaintances and family members via a range of communication streams – Facebook, email, Twatter etc. I use the term “funnies” loosely as humour is all in the eye of the beholder.But I have to share the following with you – it raised a snigger. Thanks, Alf, for sharing it with me.

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1955.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.  Done that.

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail. That too.

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. Yep.

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.  Aha.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.  Well darn.

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.  Oh, no not again.

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."  And I just hate that.

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE." Oh No.

IT'S CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS..

Have I already sent this to you.

Or did you send it to me?

Should some people be more equal than others?

There is a saying, I believe, something along the lines of “all people are equal but some are more equal than others”.

I may have got this out of a Christmas cracker circa 1978 but, whatever the source, it’s a statement that has once again been brought into the headlines.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.

Once upon a time (earlier this month) there was a heterosexual couple who began a legal fight at the High Court against the ban on members of the opposite sex entering into civil partnerships.

Charles Keidan and Rebecca Steinfeld, from London, say their case is a "basic issue of discrimination and equality" and Miss Steinfeld said they want to commit to each other in a civil partnership as it "focuses on equality".

But under current laws, they can’t do this as the Civil Partnership Act 2004 requires that partners be "two people of the same sex".

It grants gay couples legal rights similar to those given to married couples.

The government has said it consulted on the issue and found a lack of consensus, so does not plan to make any changes to the law.

In 2014 they were told by Chelsea Register Office that they could not register a notice of intention to form a civil partnership because they were a man and a woman.

In the same year, the Same Sex Couples Marriage Act extended the right to marry to gay couples, who can now choose between civil partnership and marriage.

The couple contend that the same choice should be available to all couples.

So, dear reader, what does this latest episode of equality tell us?

Well, it tells me the government needs to re-think the 2014 act. It’s a complete nonsense that creating equality for one section of modern society has meant inequality for another.

BT sees the light and brings call centres back to the UK

At last – a sensible business decision by BT. The company has promised to answer more than 80 per cent of its customers’ calls in the UK by the end of 2016 - and plans to go further in years to come.

My reader may remember the issues I had with the telecoms giant last summer (blogs of Monday, June 22 - BT’s muppetry continues to perplex & annoy – and Wednesday, June 24 - All Mil needed to do was to send BT a tweet).

Whilst I’d like to take the credit for this change of policy (I did, after all, write to BT’s Chief Executive in an attempt to get an issue resolved) I realise that I can’t.

BT moved much of its call centre operation to Bangalore and Delhi in India from 2003 onwards in a move that cut its workforce by some 2,000 jobs.

The decision was clearly driven by a desire to save money, given that it was able to hire highly educated graduates in India who were paid around 20per cent of the figure of their UK counterparts, rather than offer top-notch customer service.

The move back to the UK is probably too late to save BT’s rapidly diminished reputation but it is a step in the right direction. Customer service is paramount, even more so in these ultra-competitive times.

However, I have a great deal of sympathy for the perfectly nice people who I have spoken with over the years in Bangalore or Delhi. They tried to help but the main problem was they could never make a decision.

So, Samantha in Swansea – are you ready for my call?

Well-meaning but an accident waiting to happen

Chateau Almond today as snow began to fall. Chaos predicted.

Although the name of my blog may suggest I’m something of a stay-at-home sort, I do occasionally embark on forays into the outside world.

Today’s subjects of my well-thought through and balanced offering, or rant as some like to call it, are the muppets, or car drivers, who are, to put it simply, stupid and dangerous.

As the strains of Led Zepp 2 wafted gently out of my 8-track, I was a happy little soul driving home this week from my regular get-together with Sidney. If you’ve forgotten who Sidney is, please refer to my blog of November 12 last year (Spending cutbacks always hit those in need).

I became aware of a blue, strobing light behind me – and then just as Whole Lotta Love was reaching its climax the sound of an emergency vehicle siren reached the lugs.

Glancing into the rear-view mirror, I spotted the source of the racket and the throbbing light – an ambulance was coming up behind me, at some speed but still three or four hundred metres away.

Returning to eyes front, I had to swerve as the car in front of me pulled off the road into a rural layby, or muddy grass verge as we yokels know them. I gave him a Suffolk wave and went past him.

Glancing in my rear-view mirror again (yes, I know, twice in one journey) I noticed the overtaken driver gesticulating at me in a more foreign manner. What’s his problem, I thought.

And then I realised – he was throwing himself off the road because of the ambulance, still some two hundred metres away. Better starting pulling over, I thought – as several cars in front of me veered onto the verge, brake lights blinking madly. I had to slam on the brakes at the sudden action.

Now, this all sounds perfectly reasonable – road users making sure an ambulance can have a fast passage through the traffic.

But it should also be safe. You don’t have to throw yourself off the road in a dangerous manner when an emergency vehicle comes up behind you – just pull over safely and ensure you don’t cause another accident. Thank you.

Life is all about balance and risk-taking

I am delighted to announce an IDGOM exclusive. I, my dear reader, am one step ahead of medical advice - for the first time ever.
So, what is behind this marvellous event? Well, it’s not that eating loads of fat makes you, err, fat. Been there, done that, got the Statins.
No, it’s the fact that drinking alcohol is bad for you. And that abstaining for several days a week is even betterer (Ed: is that English. Please check).than former advice given by our esteemed Department of Health.
This week England's Chief Medical Officer, Dame Sally Davies, issued new guidance on drinking, saying there was a need to update the advice “based on new scientific evidence”.
People remained at "low risk" if they drank up to 14 units per week across three or four days, she told the BBC Radio 4 Today programme.
And now men should consume no more than 14 units of alcohol per week, down from the previous 21 units, bringing them into line with the recommendation for women.
People should have several booze-free days a week and not "save up" their 14 units for a binge. Which is where I’m ahead of the pack. For I stopped drinking Mondays to Wednesdays in the middle of last year.
The catalyst was a hospital visit to see my sister-in-law a week after her 11-hour liver transplant operation. I should add, at this stage, that my sister-in-law had a liver disease that was not alcohol-related.
She had been given an information pack and, being of a journalistic bent, I began leafing through it. I soon came across a section revealing the incredible healing properties of the liver – particularly if you stay off the booze for a few days a week.
Back of the net! I can do that. I said to myself. It was a Friday so after a weekend of normal alcoholic beverage consumption, I committed myself to three days a week of soft drinks only from the following Monday.
Do I feel any better for it? Not sure I do. But there’s nothing like a medical drama in the family to make one take stock and to reinforce the rule that life is all about risks.
All we can really do is listen to the evidence, the advice and the science and then decide how much of a risk we want to take.

Come on HSBC, I’m banking on you

Just minutes after I tried to log onto my bank’s t’internet system thingy this morning I felt a blog coming on.

I have banked with HSBC, and its predecessor Midland, since leaving school in 1972.

Despite the odd problem along the way (like the time they misplaced a transfer and when I complained said “it was only £1,000 – we deal in millions”), I have stayed loyal, mainly because I know rival banks are not much better.

Shouldn’t I, and the 16,999,999 other account holders of the UK’s biggest bank, expect it to have the most secure, the most stable and the most reliable online banking system there is?

We are half a day on and the site is still not working. I just tried to login but the page died and now shows an all-embracing message - "Internal Server Error".

All this follows yesterday’s debacle when the HSBC system was down for most of the day.

HSBC has said it was not a distributed denial of service (DDOS) attack and was not caused by anything external: "This is not a cyber-attack or any other malicious act," said John Hackett, HSBC's UK chief operating officer.

Apparently it was "a complex technical issue within our systems" and the bank is running tests across its servers to try and identify the exact problem.

The scene in our house this morning.

It added that its IT team had been working "non-stop" since yesterday to find a solution. Well that’s a comfort. Are these the self-same people who installed the system in the first place and who have been responsible for ensuring its smooth operation?

As my old dad often says, “make a boll**ks of a job and expect to have them cut off”.

Except no heads, let alone other bodily parts, will roll as result of this appalling service.

Because the banks NEVER hold anyone responsible for their errors.

* Researchers for Channel 4's new documentary series, Tricks of the Restaurant Trade, found restaurants purposely seat people they deem attractive in their best tables, while hiding other customers away at the back.

That’s really odd because I thought they always sat me at the back, near the toilets, because they knew about my bladder problem. I feel much better now knowing it’s my ugly mug rather my prostrate that offends them.